I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
