Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm too high and old for this...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
