Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize