i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
