Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
