This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
