Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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