Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
