Buhtt sex?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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