Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
