I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
her facebook's as public as her vagina
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
