Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
