Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
