Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
