can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
