It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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