I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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