dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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