I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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