her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
