im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
