I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
