When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
