Little spoons don't ask big questions
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
