She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
