found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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