im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
