just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
