know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
