do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
