I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
