I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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