New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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