You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
