Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
