Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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