There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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