I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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