i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
