Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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