Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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