dude i'm inner monologue high
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
