So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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