I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
