Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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