Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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