12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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