the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
