Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
