I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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