You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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