Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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