Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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