Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
