What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
