my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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