my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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