Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
