we have pet lesbian snakes
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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